Lefty tends to be a little more quiet and reserved than his older brother, Spirit. I notice when we have guests over that Spirit engages in conversation, where Lefty sits back very quietly. When we go to a party or any new situation, Spirit jumps in with both feet and Lefty hangs back with me.
BUT, with the awards last week, Spirit had a really hard time being the one in the shadows. He was lashing out and being very much not himself. We sat him down to talk about it and he burst into tears:
"You guys are giving so much attention to him over that stupid award he got!"
That is one of the toughest jobs of parenting. I don't want Lefty to feel like we think his award is just so-so, also I try not to go overboard with the high-fives and pats on the back. On the flip side of that, Spirit received an award too and I wanted him to know how proud we were of him...BUT Lefty's was a "bigger" more "prestigious" award than what Spirit got. I was SO very proud of them both but how do you express that without one feeling left out! UGH.
I honestly don't think we were out of line with what ever attention we gave, but if we were the damage is done. *sigh* (** just for the record we have started a fund to save for all the therapy they will need one day!)
Subscribe to:
Post Comments (Atom)
8 comments:
Oh - poor Spirit, but Lefty needs to get special attention too!
Sounds like you handled it well (you acknowledged it and that was probably what he wanted most)- or as best as this sort of thing can be handled.
Poor you - that's a tough one.
Congratulations to the boys on their awards!
*just popped over from SITS - I love your blog layout - so cute!*
glad to hear about the therapy fund. sounds like a good idea for any parent. ha!
thats a tough situation. my sister and I were like that, except that I won the awards AND I was the outgoing one. the thing is, that I felt like I wasnt good enough because my parents tried to downplay my achievements & they practically threw parties when my sister won stuff. okay, they didnt throw parties, but thats how I felt.
I think the key is to emphasize that THE FAMILY is proud of so-and-so's award. THE FAMILY is honored that so-and-so was recognized. not "my great kid" won/is an honor student/yada yada. but the WHOLE FAMILY takes pride in one anothers achievements. maybe a kid won the spelling bee, but everyone took turns quizzing him. so everyone had a part in his win.
It is rough out there in the parenting waters. I don't know how to deal with stuff like this.
My kids are 2 1/2 and almost 7 and we get a lot of bickering (and when I say we I really mean me since I 'm home all day). My oldest was an only child for 5 1/2 years because his sister is adopted. So he feels replaced and when something happens he's usually the one in trouble when they fight. Cause he's older and should know better. Then he says she gets all the attention, which is partly true. She's two I can't go play legos in the basement and leave her to burn down the house upstairs ya know?
OI!
So no advice just commiserating with you.
Ah yes, that's a tough one. You guys always do a great job with the way you handle these situations.
It is tough. When my now 3yr old (youngest) was a babe, my oldest asked why I loved her brother more than I did her or her sister. She only saw me doing doing doing things for him, baby talking, etc. These things are so hard for them to grasp.
Hey-You are doing the best job you can, right? That's all you can do!
Keep up the good work!!!
Oh I've been there! It's hard to be "fair" in parenting. But if they over acheive and get great grades and awards, they deserve to be praised! Luckily, I have found that they are all good something and it all works out in the end.
Oh yes, been there. It's so hard yet he is learning a wonderful lesson in graciousness. hey really are sweet sweet boys.
Post a Comment