Daddy's girl - or not.

I am talking about me being daddy's girl, or at least I was for many years of my life. My dad would jump through hoops to get me what I wanted or needed. My parents divorced when I was 7 and they had joint custody. I am the baby of 6 so when my parents divorced there were only two of us still living at home. The joint custody thing worked out fine for my sister, Stephanie, and I. We went with my dad when we wanted to and stayed with my mom when we wanted to. There wasn't a set schedule, but most of the time we spent the weekend at dad's.

My mother remarried and the two of them drank a lot. My step-father would have peppermint schnapps every morning with his coffee. Then he would have bloody mary's or O.J and vodka the rest of the day. My mom didn't start her day that way, but she definitely drank in the evenings.

I remember one time when my mom had promised for 3 or 4 days that she would take me shopping for my first bra. Everyday she would call and tell me she was "going to meet Tom for drinks." and everyday I would cry. I told my dad about it and so one day he came over and picked me up. He took me to the mall and asked a clerk in JC Penney to help. With her help my dad bought me 2 bras. I was so thrilled. I knew, even at my young age, how hard that must have been for my dad.

In the last 5 or 6 years my dad and I have grown distant. Not only in miles, but in emotion too. He moved to a small town about 18 years ago, but the town is about 2 1/2 hours from where I live so he would frequently come up for a visit or for holidays. After I got married he always came for Thanksgiving. The last 3 Thanksgivings he has backed out at the last minute. The first year he backed out he called me that morning and said he couldn't make it because he had an abscess tooth. We felt bad that he was going to be alone and miserable, so, without calling him first, we drove down to see him. He wasn't home. It is a small enough town that we just started driving until we found him. He was on his way home from his girlfriend's house. Instead of just telling me that he had a girlfriend in the first place, he lied to me and spent the day with her. To add injury to insult, his girlfriend was younger than me. (ewww yuck!)

That is sort of when our relationship started to deteriorate. I can't tell you how many times he has called and said "I'm coming to visit this weekend!" then while we are hanging out waiting for him, he will call and tell me he can't come. The last 4 or 5 times he has told me he is coming I just say "great! We'll see you when you get here!" (like I always say) and then I don't tell the kids and we go about our business. If he shows, great! If not, it is no skin off my back. And guess what..... he never shows.

Then there was the time he wouldn't return my calls and I had to call the police to go check on him, thankfully he was fine. That again put a little bigger wedge between us because he was upset with me for calling the police.

So now to the reason I am posting this today. My niece is getting married this August. When I talked to my dad last week he asked if I was going to go. I said that we were planning to and then he told me he wanted to go too. I told him to keep me posted if he was able to go. He agreed to do that.

Last night I got a call from my sister Stephanie asking if my dad could ride with us or if I would be willing to help buy him an airline ticket so he could go to the wedding. I told her no and no. We won't have room in our car to take him and no I will not help buy him a ticket that he may back out of at the last minute. I told her he needs to come up with the money to get there. I just am not willing to help him on this. I stand firm on it. I don't think he has any real intentions of going and I think he thinks it is the right thing to say and knows full well he isn't going. Kinda like all those times he said he would come visit me, 2 1/2 hours away, and never shows. Steph said she may check into airfare anyway. I told her I just couldn't help. She said she understood where I was coming from and that she just doesn't have the same feelings since she lives further away and doesn't talk to him as much.

I am so sorry to bore you, but I just needed to vent.