Being a working mommy

Sometimes I wish I didn't have to work, or at least didn't have to work full time. Other times I know that I could not stay home full time because I do not have that much patience.

But that is sort of here-nor-there at this point. I have mentioned on this blog before about our daycare issues and once again daycare is changing up, but I think it is a good move right now.
For the last 2 years we have had a friend watching the kids. In the beginning she also watched two little girls that she brought with her to our house. The girls were 1 year old and 3 years old. At that time Spirit was in full day kindergarten and so she only had the littler ones to watch during the day until she dropped off Lefty at Preschool. Then when the little 3 year old girl turned 4 and started into preschool last fall our friend decided it was too much shuffling of kids from here and there and everywhere so she stopped watching the little girls, but continued watching our three kids.

We have had lots of ups and downs with her. In the beginning she was going through a lot in her personal life which meant my kids suffered somewhat. In fact, I would have to say those were some of Lefty's worst times. He misbehaved so much for her. He threw shoes at her. He locked her out of the house. He colored on my walls. He did anything he could to get her attention and couldn't get it. He is not good at expressing what his needs are (well, plus he was 4 and 5 during those times.) **Please know that I am in no way excusing what he did and believe me he was punished when we got home for all those things he did** Once the personal stuff was cleared up we had hoped it would get better and it did on a small level. Then, her daughter had a baby and she wanted to be able to take care of the baby for her daughter during the day. She told me she would just pick him (the baby) up and bring him to my house and watch him and Lady Bug. Well, she has yet -- 6 months later -- to bring him to my house to watch him. If there is a time when coming to my house to get Lady Bug in some way inconveniences her daughter, she won't do it. I have to meet her somewhere to drop off Lady Bug. It has made life a little chaotic at times.

About 5 weeks ago, our friend told me she was considering not watching the kids anymore because she felt that the kids didn't like her and that I had never really given her full authority so the boys never really respected her. I was so shocked. I have always told the kids that she is in charge and I backed her up on decisions she made to let (or not them as the case may be) do things. So we began a lengthy discussion about it. I told her that in the beginning her life was so crazy that I felt it was hard for her to devote her time and attention to the kids. She agreed. She asked if I thought there was any way for her to earn back the boys' respect? Before I answered that I told her that I needed to get something off my chest. I told her that it hurt me that she had no problem inconveniencing me so that her daughter wouldn't be inconvenienced in any way. She, very boldly, acknowledged that she does that and basically told me that would not change. It is family. I told her I was so happy for her that she was able to spend almost everyday with her grandson, most grandmas don't get that opportunity. I then decided this situation probably needed to be switched up, so I asked her to help me out through the end of the school year and then we would reevaluate. She agreed to do that.

Two weeks ago, she asked me to lunch. I met her and Lady Bug during my work lunch break. She told me at lunch that since we moved it was just too far of a drive for her and she would not be continuing on after the school year ended. I told her it was fine because a college student had approached us asking if we needed a summer nanny. She was relieved and as of the 22nd she will no longer be working for us.

Since we moved almost a month ago, she has only driven to our new house twice. I meet her at the boys' school to drop off Lady Bug and then in the afternoons when she picks up the boys from school she just lets the kids play on the playground or she takes them to McDonalds or Dairy Queen. SHE has been telling me that is what the kids want to do, but last night Lefty told me that she tells them they need to think of something to do because she doesn't want to drive "clear across town" to our new house. **It isn't that far from the boys school, only about 15 minutes** Spirit told me recently that all she does is talk on her phone and read her book, she never plays with them. All of these things have sent the message to the kids and to us that this "job" has never been about the kids. It is always about what is best for her. That makes me sad that she was that selfish. I was telling a friend of mine the other day that I feel bad that I made the kids deal with that for two years. I feel bad too that we dealt with it for two years. We never knew day-to-day whether she would be at work or what mood she would be in when she came in.