Who is in control?

I was talking with a friend the other day and she was telling me how frustrated she is with her son. She told me all he wants to do is play video games and watch tv instead of doing homework and his grades are suffering for it.

I tried telling her that maybe she needs to tell him he can't do those things until the homework is complete. Her response?

"Oh ya, right. Then he just whines and throws a fit. It just isn't worth it to me."

So, even though I was shocked beyond belief at "It isn't worth it to me" I decided to try again and I told her find something that makes him tick and have a reward of some kind for improved grades. I told her about the reading Bingo we did in our house and suggested she could maybe come up with some kind of "Homework Bingo" and have different things on there for math, and reading or whatever he is struggling with and when he fills it up he could get a reward. I even offered to help come up with something. Her response?

Oh ya, right. He would want me to buy him something HUGE."

I told her that she could define the reward, not him. Her response?

"Like that would work."

I decided not to give up quite yet, I feel so strongly in helping kids succeed in school, so I tried telling her to set up a homework spot so he is completely comfortable and the space is quiet. Her response?

"Where do I do that? He will just want to be where I am and I am usually cooking dinner at homework time."

See the pattern there? I don't know who has the bigger problem, mom or student. But I do know that student definitely rules the roost and calls the shots.

After more talking it appears she doesn't force him to sit down and do homework until well after dinner and by that time he is tired. She also told me that he isn't completing assignments and she doesn't know why. Doesn't it seem logical that if you know your child is "too tired" then you up the homework time to get done before dinner? Doesn't it also seem logical that if he isn't completing assignments that she needs to sit him down and find out why?

I had more suggestions for her but when I hit the brick wall each time before, I decided she didn't want my help so I would just let her talk. I am praying for her and her son each morning before school, right along with my prayers for my own children.

I know we aren't perfect parents and certainly don't have perfect kids, but homework is homework and it gets done before dinner in our house. Now we both work full time and so the kids have to go to the afterschool program so I have encouraged them to work on homework there. They don't always get it all done in the afterschool program, but it sure helps to get a jump start on it. They are required to read for 30 minutes each night, so we have a routine that they get ready for bed and can read in bed for 30 minutes. That works for us and might not work for everyone, I realize that, but seems like this mom should be trying things instead of just letting it go.

For the record, if my kids have homework, there is no TV, no video games, no playing outside, no internet until the homework is complete. On those days when they don't have to go to the afterschool program then they are allowed to have a snack and play until about an hour before dinner and that is when they start homework. Our designated "homework spot" happens to be the nook in the kitchen. That way Mr. Man or I can be available to help if necessary. All the kids have desks in their room and occasionally the boys will choose to do homework in their room, but not very often.

I'm just sayin' I know who is in control in MY house! :-)