Lefty (6 yo) still has problems pee'ing the bed at night. I tend to be protective of him because it bothers him so much. I try not to make a big deal when he does wet the bed, but if his brother or any of the neighborhood kids make one comment about him wetting the bed I stand up in his defense.
Last night I had to work a little late, but when I got home I wasn't welcomed with the usual hoots and hollers "Momma's home!!" Lefty was in his room sad. Spirit was at the table doing homework and trying to postpone the lecture his dad wanted to give him and Lady Bug was having a tea party in her room by herself.
I asked Mr. Man what was going on and he proceeded to tell me that one boy from across the street had been over to play and he stayed for dinner - which was all fine until the little boy and Spirit decided to make fun of Lefty for pee'ing the bed. I guess they said things like "Your room really stinks - it smells like pee!" and "I don't want to touch your toys 'cause they probably have pee on them!" and "I can't believe your in 1st grade and still pee your bed!"
It broke my heart. Lefty was so sad when I went up to see him. His little feelings were really hurt! I can't even describe the look he had on his face. He was crushed. It also hurt me that Spirit was saying such horrible things! Where was THAT coming from?
Mr. Man and I had a long -- really long -- talk with Spirit about it. I am almost more devastated that he said those things than I am about Lefty's feelings getting hurt! Those are such mean-spirited things to say to your own brother!
My boys are the youngest of all the boys on our street, but they are all close to the same ages -- it goes 12, 10, 9, 8 and 6. (My boys are 8 and 6) So the neighborhood boys are all older than them and I understand there is a need for them to feel accepted by the "older" kids, but at the same time I want them to understand there is no greater bond than a sibling and they need to be there for each other and not let anyone tear the other one down.
Am I being irrational? Should I just, once again, accept that "Boys will be boys"???
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6 comments:
that's a tough one. My husband was super mean to his brother growing up, and all of our friends who were older brothers have memories of the same cruelties. I honestly can not wrap my brain around it. There were times, I guess, when I was mean to my little sister growing up but my stories pale in comparison to theirs.
It's sad to think that something like this is normal but maybe??? (keep in mind, I am NOT the voice of wisdom here. I'm as lost on it as you are.)
Boys are boys but in this case I think maybe your son wanted to be accepted or liked by this other neighborhood boy maybe so he started teasing Lefty. I don't know just guessing...
Yes, boys will be boys, kids will be kids, you're right. But, it's our job to be shepherding their hearts so that they don't resort to this type of behavior. I think it's human nature to act this way or react this way - but, you're right in not wanting this to be normal behavior in your household. We all have to have respect for one another, no matter our differences - even as adults!
One of my favorite forms of correction from "Creative Correction" by Lisa Welchel is this: When one of my children says or does something hurtful to the other, they are to hammer a nail into a designated piece of wood. Over time or right then, (whichever you choose for your situation,) have them remove the nail from the wood. What's left? A hole. It's the same type of hole left in the hands of Jesus - and it's the same type of hole that's left in their brother or sister's or friend's hearts every time they speak ill towards them. (Makes me cry every time!)
Just my 2 cents - but I hope it helps!
Aww. Poor guy. I know how it feels. I totally wet my bed until I was like 6 or 7. My mom made up this crazy story about its a medical condition and I can't help it which seemed to calm down all the teasing.
really, though, there was nothing wrong with me I guess I just liked to pee my bed.
&my brother was really mean to me growing up(probably meaner than normal) and I still have really hard feelings toward him.
As a mom of three boys-I do not accept the "boys will be boys" philosophy. Our boys are not allowed to hit each other EVER and not ever allowed to pick on each other. I drill into them that God gave them a best friend right here in our famiy, and if we see they are not treating each other right, there will be consequences.(and there have been) My husband (who was the youngest of three boys and was picked on by them mercilessly)feels the same way as me. We have a zero tolerance of unkind behavior toward each other.
I think something like writing a note of apology to the brother, or a drawing of an apology along with a verbal apology is due to your dear son-make a HUGE deal about it- I also have the book "Creative Correction" and it really does guide these heart issues and backs it up with scripture. I have had to sit down with my older son and show him specifically in the Bible what God says about kindness-and when he sees its not just my rule, but God's, his heart is softened.
(P.S. Get a Living Translation to read to kids-it is easily understandable...)
Im the oldest and Im not a boy, so Im not sure how it works, but my mom and all of her siblings HATED their oldest brother. I guess he was terrible to them.
I think its really a case of wanting to be seen as "cool" by the older neighbor boy.
what is bullying behavior? tearing someone else down to make youself feel/look better. Im not saying that he is a bully, but you totally dont want him to be one!!
I like the example of the nail in the wood, because it shows how you can "undo" your action, but that action still leaves a mark. as in, once you say something, you really cant take it back.
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